


The Art of Miracles and Baking

by Hakkari



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, Later sexual content, M/M, Older Characters, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:44:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hakkari/pseuds/Hakkari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had only taken Art because she needed the credit to get her Honors Diploma. Roxy had already been taking it anyway, and by pulling a few strings she had ended up in the third level with her friend.</p><p>After all, how hard could art be when Gamzee Makara and his group were passing?</p><p>In which the utterly predictable happens through a series of twists, turns, and sudden free falls.<br/>Main pairing is Gamzee/Jane but there will be lots of others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

##### => Jane: Go to Class

She had only taken Art because she needed the credit to get her Honors Diploma. Roxy had already been taking it anyway, and by pulling a few strings she had ended up in the third level with her friend.

After all, how hard could art be when Gamzee Makara and his group were passing?

"Oh-em-gee Janey he's staring at you again." Roxy spoke just like she typed. It was one of her most endearing traits, if not a little grating at times. This was the first class since their freshmen year that they shared. Roxy's rigorous technology schedule kept her in the labs all day ("You would not believe how basic "Advanced" Programming is, Janey. They're still learning JAVA arrays. Arrays!"), while Jane had a much more traditional schedule. She had kept all As (and one pesky B) throughout her entire high school career in all honors courses (damn you, US History) and was ranked number three in her class of six hundred and forty-three students.

If it wasn't for a certain Dirk Strider, she'd be number two. Then all she's have to beat was Roxy's twin sister, Rose Lalonde. Not that she had anything against them personally (Dirk was a close friend and Rose was okay, if not a bit too dry-humored and sarcastic), but Crockers played to win.

Right now, though, she had to deal with art. And Makara. She glanced over her shoulder and- yep, his glazed over purple eyes met hers, and his lazy grin grew wider. She turned back around. "Ugh. I think he's stoned again."

"No shit. Just ignore him. Sooo... is your cousin still with that Vriska chick?" Jane shrugged, turning back to her currently blank sketchbook page.

"I don't think they've ever actually dated." She paused, considering. "Okay, maybe once. I'm pretty sure they're only friends, Rox. I could ask him later, if you'd like?"

"Hell yeah. Do it, Janey. I'm so sick of Rose being the twin who gets all the action-"

"Roxy!"

"I'm just sayin', Johnny-boy's a cute and I want to sink my claws into him." She mimed a Catwoman pose, winking. 

Jane sighed. "You spend too much time with Nepeta."

"Hey, Fef's taught me great fish puns, too. I'll use those next time. He's not looking anymore, btw." Indeed, Makara's eyes were actually on his sketchbook. Jane sighed again, realizing that she should be working if he was. She looked around for something to draw, settling on the vase at the front of the room. She had barely finished when the teacher glided into the room. The pale woman smiled slightly, opening her arms and revealing swirling tattoos.

"Welcome, class. My name is Porrim Maryam. I once attended this school, sat in the same seats you once did." She sat on the desk beside her, tilting her head. Her bangs fell back, revealing eyebrow piercings. She also, upon further inspection, had a lip ring. She was by far the most exotic teacher Jane had ever had.

"Damn, Rose wasn't lying when she said Kanaya had a hot older sister. If I liked girls I'd be on her like a killer whale to a helpless baby seal. Wow, that one sucked. Don't tell Fef about that, 'kay?"

Jane shot her a look. Porrim had evidently ceased reminiscing, rising from the desk before continuing. "I did not think that I would become a teacher. In fact, I found the role to be far too stereotypical. I was, and still remain, a devout feminist. There will be no sexist jokes in this classroom, nothing that could even be considered shaming to anyone, ecetera. I do believe I've talked enough to put the Slyph of Words to shame." She clapped her hands together suddenly, causing the entire class to jump. 

"Continue your sketches. I'll check in on you in about five minutes." 

Roxy was actually focused on her sketch, leaving Jane to drum her fingers on the table top. She cast a glance back at Gamzee and- yep, he was still drawing. Awkwardly she picked up her pencil and pretended to draw again. 

The five minutes seemed to drag on for ages. Finally Porrim rose, clapping her hands once again. "Alright, would anyone like to share what they drew? I don't want to pressure anyone, of course." The class stared at her and she sighed. "Not that I was expecting anyone to volunteer anyway. That would have been too easy."

Slowly Gamzee raised his hand, shrugging. Porrim acknowledged him with a wave of her hand. He stood, then presented his drawing. 

It was actually... good. Like, really good. Jane glanced at Roxy to see if she was at all surprised, but she didn't really seem to be focused on him. None of the class really seemed that interested, though Jane definitely was. The drawing was a white, goat-like figure surrounded by bright colors. It was a Capricorn, Jane realized as she took in the insanely detailed fish tail.

"This is what I up and saw in my miraculous haze, motherfu- sis."

Looking down at her (admittedly shitty) picture of a vase, Jane sighed. For once, she realized that Gamzee Makara was actually better than her at something. As she looked back up (not to look at his amazing picture again, no), she noticed his eyes back on her. His smile grew wider as she met his eyes.

She bristled. If it was some sort of challenge he wanted, he would get it. After all, Crockers played to win. 

Besides, it was just art. How hard could it be?  



	2. Interlude One

TG: oh hell to the fucking yes tz  
TG: we got this in the bag  
GC: W41T WH4T W4S TH4T 4BOUT 4 B4G? >:?  
TG: no tz its a metaphorical bag  
TG: filled with sick beats and the sweetest rhymes  
TG: like this bag is so amazing that it even has that nasty red shit water you like  
GC: D4V3 1 SW34R 1F YOU DONT SLOW DOWN  
GC: MY PROGR4M C4NT R34D YOUR T3XT 4T TH3 R4T3 YOURE GO1NG  
GC: C4LM DOWN COOLK1D  
TG: oh shit yeah  
TG: sometimes i forget you have that weird robot thing talking to you  
TG: i mean how is it supposed to read the greatest of our slam poetry escapades  
GC: 1T R3ADS THOS3 TH3 S4M3 W4Y 1T R34DS 3V3RYTH1NG 3LS3  
GC: TH3 GR4ND ROBOT VO1C3 DO3S NOT D1SCR1M1IN4T3 >:]  
TG: damn no wonder it sounds so depressed  
TG: one day its going to get so sick of having to read these sick rhymes in monotone  
TG: and its going to rebel and go all hal 9000 on our asses  
TG: and youre going to have to strap on your sexy lawyer boots and save the day  
GC: Y3S 1 WOULD D3L1V3R JUST1C3 SW1FTLY 4ND 4S S1CKLY 4S POSS1BLE G1V3N TH3 S1TU4T1ON  
GC: WOULD MY S1DEK1CK S1R COOLK1D COM3 W1TH M3 THOUGH?  
TG: woah when was i promoted to sidekick  
TG: last time i was that loser who brought the team water and snacks and shit  
TG: was my bullshit free intern work so impressive that i actually get to ride in the batmobile?  
TG: am i the robin to your batman  
TG: the hershey to your judge dredd  
GC: YOU G3T TO ST4Y 1N TH3 C4R WH1L3 1 DO MY L4WY3R TH1NG  
TG: oh man tz i dont think ive had a prouder moment  
TG: i mean damn the tears just keep on fallin  
TG: if you could see into my room youd just see the manliest of all tears flowing from my eyes  
GC: 1 C4NT S33 4T 4LL D4V3  
TG: hence the if you could see part  
TG: it doesnt matter anyway ive just wiped away the last of those manly tears  
TG: tz you are going to absolutely break me one day  
GC: >:]  
TG: no thats not a thing to smile about  
TG: holy shit do you want your boyfriend to be an empty shell of what he was before  
TG: like they put humpty dumpty back together again  
TG: but it was a shit job  
TG: so humpty dumpty looked like a fucking freak  
GC: TH4T 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T 1 W4NT TO B3 4ROUND FOR  
GC: 1 W4NT TO SM3LL YOU BR34K D4V3 >;]  
TG: well thats not freaky at all then  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU LOV3 1T  
GC: YOU SHOULD JUST ADM1T 1T NOW COOLK1D  
TG: woah lets not get too hasty here tz  
TG: shit dirk needs the computer  
TG: ill talk to you tomorrow  
GC: 1 LOOK FORW4RD TO 1T >:]  
turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC]

If there was something that Dave Strider actually felt confident about, it was his relationship with Terezi. The two had been friends since sixth grade. They had banded together in order to stave off the teasing, and after some initial awkwardness the two became inseperable. They were Blind Girl and Albino Boy. They would go over to each other's houses pretty much every day, to the point where even when Dave hadn't 'blind-proofed' the house, Terezi could tell where most of his junk was going to be.

They had started dating in their sophomore year and hadn't really looked back since then. No one had really been all that surprised, either. Except for Terezi's guide, who was shocked by the whole development. Her face when she caught them making out was pretty priceless. 

He sat at the couch, looking at his brother. The two were almost identical, which was to be expected considering the fact that they were twins. Twins ran strong in the Sti-Londe gene pool. The fact that they were twins just like their cousins didn't really surprise anyone.

##### => Speaking of Dirk...

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TT: Yo.  
TT: Oh, hey Kanaya. You don't usually message me.  
GA: I Know  
GA: This Is A Matter Of The Utmost Importance  
GA: And You Are The Only Person I Can Turn To  
TT: Well, if I'm that important, lay it on me.  
GA: I Need To Get Rose A Gift For Our Two Year Anniversery  
GA: Or Maybe Take Her Out Somewhere  
GA: Please Help  
TT: Uh, that's sweet Kanaya.  
TT: But why are you asking me and not, say, a closer friend of Rose?  
GA: I Tried To Reach Dave But He Did Not Respond  
GA: Johns Out With Vriska  
GA: Who Ever Knows Where Jade Is  
GA: And Roxy Cannot Keep Any Secrets  
TT: So basically I'm your last choice?  
GA: Well Yes  
GA: When You Put It That Way  
GA: I Suppose This Wasnt The Best Idea  
GA: I Know Shell Want To Stay At Her House But  
GA: Please Help  
TT: Look, I don't know what Rose likes.  
TT: C'thulu crap?  
TT: Knitting?  
GA: Yes She Likes Both Of Those Things  
GA: But I Need To Get Her Something More Special Than That  
TT: Why not get her jewelry or something? Don't girls like jewelry for their anniverseries?  
TT: I really think you're askin' the wrong person here.  
GA: I Was Just Wondering What You Got Your Girlfriend For  
GA: Oh  
TT: Yeah. "Oh" indeed.  
GA: Im Sorry  
GA: Im Just Going To Log Out Now  
GA: And Curl Up In A Dark Corner  
GA: And Never Leave It  
TT: Kanaya.  
GA: Ever  
TT: Chill out, it's fine. Don't worry about it.  
GA: I Am So Sorry Dirk  
TT: Jesus, chill. Just give me a second, okay?

timaeusTestified [TT] became idle!

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering **tentacleTherapist [TT]**  
 **TT: Oh, hello Dirk. By your IP address I thought you were going to be your dearest brother.**  
TT: IP address?  
TT: I'm going to assume this is something Roxy did.  
 **TT: Roxy created a program that allows you to see the IP of any person who tries to pester you, thus giving you enough time to idle if you don't want to talk to them.**  
 **TT: I'm in the middle of writing, so obviously I would appreciate not being slammed by Dave's ridiculous metaphors or raps.**  
TT: Yeah, I get it. Sorry if I'm interrupting something.  
 **TT: For you it's fine. At least you have intelligent things to say most of the time.**  
TT: Speaking of which, is there a reason for this conversation? Not that I mind idle chatter, but I am busy.  
TT: Alright, I'll try to make this brief.  
TT: I currently have Kanaya freaking out in another window because she doesn't know what to get you for your anniversary or whatever.  
 **TT: Hm. She knows I don't like to make such a big deal of such things.**  
TT: I thought that we were simply going to stay at my house, perhaps crack open a bottle of wine and watch a movie.  
TT: I'm going to assume that's what she's trying to avoid, Rose. The whole bottle of wine thing, I mean.  
 **TT: Unlike you, Kanaya has faith that I will not return to my previous alcoholic behavior.**  
TT: I didn't mean it like that. It's just that when you get wasted, you get really fuckin' wasted.  
 **TT: And how exactly would you know that, Dirk? You've never been around when I was drinking.**  
TT: ...have you?  
TT: Only once or twice at parties. Dave and Roxy told me the rest, though.  
 **TT: Yet you seem to have no fear that Roxy will also turn back to the bottle.**  
TT: That's not what I mean either. Of course I worry about Roxy! She's like my sister.  
TT: But at the same time I know she's really strong and has a way of deflecting her problems away.  
TT: No offense, but you tend to let your issues swallow you up.  
 **TT: Considering how little you and I actually talk outside of school, I'm going to assume you get this information from Dave and my sister. I will admit that I have a tendency to get a bit bogged down.**  
TT: However, I assure you that I will be fine. I'm keeping focused this year in order to remain valedictorian. There is no room for alcohol on my schedule.  
TT: So what should I tell Kanaya then?  
 **TT: Just tell her not to worry about anything. I'll handle it.**  
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering **tentacleTherapist [TT]**

TT: Yo, Kanaya.  
GA: How Did It Go  
GA: What Did You Find Out  
TT: She is pretty much insisting on you coming over.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Well I Guess This Was A Waste Of Time  
GA: Im Sorry Dirk  
TT: Nah, it's cool. Always happy to help my cousin with her relationship shit.  
GA: Thanks

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  
TG: yo dirky wats up  
TT: Hey, just a heads up that Rose is having Kanaya over.  
TT: And she's planning on cracking open a bottle of wine.  
TG: oh shit rly?  
TG: thanx for tellin me ill get on locking up the wine cabinets asap  
TG: love ya cuz  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

 

Dirk Strider leaned back in the computer chair, sighing. He hated dealing with Kanaya, really. She always seemed to feel guilty about something that she hadn't done, and had a tendecy to be even worse than Rose when it came to asking him about his feelings. Well, the guilt thing was probably more due to the fact that his ex had been in her fashion design club. It didn't really matter, honestly, it had happened a year ago and he had officially stopped giving a shit.

Especially since it was partly his fault. Deciding to dump his girlfriend by telling her that he didn't actually like girls was probably a bad move. He had run many scenarios in his head before telling her the truth and not one of those hypothetical situations involved her running off and publicly announcing that Dirk Strider was officially a 'dick rider'. He still wondered how long it took her to come with that, as she had seemed incredibly proud of it and it just seemed really quite pathetic to him.

Of course the name turned out to be a huge success among every asshole at the school. Even former 'friends' from the football team had adapted it. He had gained quite a few bruises for a couple of months, and Dave had been suspended twice for knocking heads around. Not that Dirk didn't know how to fight, because he did. It was basically a direct order from his bro to not get into any trouble.

"Look, you're way smarter than I am and fuck if I'm letting your record get ruined by a couple of assholes. Kick some ass if you have to, but otherwise let me handle this shit."

He still got the occasional comment but otherwise everyone was over it. He had been thrown out of the closet and really it was kind of a comfort. Plus it was kind of fucking hilarious that the top two students were both waving the pride flag around. It really pissed off quite a few extreme rightist parents, at least, who had screamed that the school gave them special privelage.

Fuck no, he was a Strider and Rose was a Lalonde. They both clawed their way through Hell and came out at the top. He rubbed his hair back, sighing. He wanted to be first, but not if it meant Rose had to suffer. Rose had gone through Hell twice, and she still hadn't really conquered her demons. 

He hoped that Roxy remembered the lock the alcohol away.

##### => Go to Roxy

arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  
AC: :33 > roxkitty!  
TG: hey nep  
AC: :33 > *ac pounces onto her furiend, tail swishing behind her*  
TG: omg  
TG: *the brave and beautiful wizard tg knocks back the ferocious ac with a mighty magic spell*  
AC: :33 > !!!  
AC: :33 > *ac hisses in retaliation, the spell causing her to fly backwards*  
AC: :33 > *ac slips into the shadows, purrhaps planning a sneak attack?*  
TG: *tg looks around for the beast her hand on her magic wand*  
AC: :33 > *suddenly ac leaps furom the shadows and f33ls tgs flesh being ripped by her claws!!!*  
TG: *tg cries out before usin a spell and burning ac w/ fire*  
AC: :OO > *its too late! ac f33ls the bloodlust and is completely ignoring the fire!*  
AC: :XX > *the burns begin to scar ac as she wont let go!*  
TG: *as ac begins 2 burn tg knocks the cat back*  
TG: *tgs shoulder is bleedin terribly or w/e*  
AC: XOO > *the bloodlust begins to fade and ac leaps away to escape the wizard tg!!!*  
TG: *tg begins to bandage her wounds and lives 2 fite another day*  
TG: omfg i rly should rp more  
TG: but anyway is there somethin u wanted besides a random rp session  
TG: cause thats cool 2 im just sayin  
AC: :33 > oh yes! i almost furgot!  
AC: :33 > i was wondering if purrhaps you could watch pounce for a little while  
TG: of course i can hes a cutie  
TG: and u know that jaspers always loves company <3  
TG: do u mind if i ask why?  
AC: :33 > not at all!  
AC: :33 > its beclaws equius and i are going camping this weekend  
AC: :33 > and i would bring pounce but he doesnt really like equius and equius purretty much f33ls the same way about pounce  
TG: well yeah i can take him for th weekend  
TG: just drop him off on thurs or early friday  
TG: cause my sis has a hot date friday nite  
TG: and id like to be out of the house before they get all hot n heavy if u know wat i mean  
AC: :33 > no purroblem!  
AC: :33 > ill s33 you thursday night!

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

Though Jane was her BEST FRIEND FOREVER, Roxy enjoyed a large company of friends. She had only met Nepeta her junior year, but the two had hit it off almost instantly. The black haired girl had been wearing a blue cat hat and a similarly colored tail from her belt. Jane had called her outlandish and questioned why she would even wear those things outside of an anime convention.

Roxy had considered it destiny, since she had been wearing her shirt with a cat face dead in the center. Nepeta had worked up the nerve to talk to her first, complimenting the shirt with a little literal purr. 

Well, if you opened up with a cat pun, Roxy was pretty much automatically your friend. 

Then she had met Feferi through Nepeta, and she used some fin-tastic fish puns. She had been exciteable and, Roxy mentally apologized for the pun (no she didn't), bubbly. The two welcomed Roxy happily into their duo, and they became a trio. 

She had even gotten Jane to give them both a chance. Though they weren't as close, they could at least be considered acquantices now.

Closing out Nepeta's chat log, she tapped her fingers on her desk before reopening Dirk's chat log. She was really hoping that Dirk was mistaken - though he rarely was. He wouldn't have told her that Rose was planning on raiding the wine rack unless he was ninety-five percent sure that she was actually going to raid it. 

Roxy deleted the log, sighing. Part of her thought that she should tell her mother again, but that side was quickly squashed. She wasn't a snitch. She'd just have to sneak the key out of her mother's office while she was at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Interludes basically deal with the characters interacting outside of Jane and Gamzee. You can probably read the rest of the fics without the interludes, but these are basically where the rest of the pairings are going to happen.
> 
> I enjoy writing Roxy and Nepeta, even if I'm not terribly good at them haha.
> 
> Feedback is loved!


	3. Chapter 3

“A B, Miss Maryam?” She curled her fingers into her hands, gritting her teeth. “How did that happen?”

Her teacher grimaced, tapping the paper with her finger. “No need to get upset. A B never killed anyone. As far as I know, anyway.” 

Jane breathed through her nose with a little growl, pointing at the grade again. “But this is art. It’s supposed to be a throw away class!” She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, but she was too frustrated to apologize for them. Besides, she actually meant what she said, and her great grandmother always told her to speak her mind and ‘fuck da bassholes dat tell u otterwise’. 

Her great grandmother was a very odd woman.

Porrim frowned, her eyes narrowing. “I’m well aware of your struggle with my class, Miss Crocker, but insulting it won’t bring you anywhere closer to your goals.” She shoved the paper towards Jane, tilting her head.

“Well what am I supposed to do then? I have all As in every other class. This is the one exception.”

The woman considered. “You could find a tutor. I’m sure that Mister Makara would be eager to help you.”

Jane froze. “What? No, not Gamzee.”

“Why not? He’s my best student.”

Of course he is, Jane thought bitterly. “We, uh, don’t exactly get along. Gosh, we never got along famously but it’s been a bit worse recently.” Then again they had never been friends. They had never gotten along because, and Jane felt awful for thinking it, she was a bit better than him. Better at schoolwork, better socially, better in pretty much everything a good citizen should be good at.

She cringed at that thought, trying to think of the positives of working with Gamzee. Maybe she would get free drugs. Not that it would matter, since she clean as a whistle, but still.

“That sounds like a problem that you two can work through while he’s tutoring you. I’ll send him a note and tell him to meet you at lunch today.” Porrim slammed her desk, smiling slightly. “That will be all, Miss Crocker.”

It was an obvious dismissal. Sheepishly, Jane grabbed her things and her paper and left. One more class until lunch and dealing with Makara. She considered skipping the meeting completely, but then realized that she actually did need help. If the stoner was her best bet at getting a good grade, she’d put up with him. Honestly, she doubted his ability to teach but would humor him anyway.

Then at least she could tell Porrim that she had tried.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Advanced Biology had been uneventful. She was glad that she had listened to her cousin on studying the night before; John had taken the class in his junior year and he pretty much had all the dates of their teacher’s pop quizzes memorized. Plus he was really good at biology, so he had helped her study in between watching some old action movie with Vriska.

She would have to tell Roxy that he was hanging out with Vriska again. Her friend would definitely not be happy about that.

She turned into the lunch hall before remembering her meeting with Gamzee. With a heavy sigh she looked around the room for him, wondering if he had forgotten about her. Probably. She wouldn’t blame him, since she had forgotten herself.

After five minutes she still hadn’t spotted him. Well, she had definitely tried. It wasn’t her fault that he was a flaky-

“Hey there my motherfucking best confectionary sis.” She felt a heavy hand land on her shoulder and wheezed slightly. Makara gave her a crooked grin before ushering her outside. They walked behind the normal outdoor tables to the area behind the school. Almost immediately she choked on the heavy scent of smoke in the air.

“Hello, Gamzee! Hi Jane!” 

“Oh. Hi, Aradia.” The girl grinned, her long black hair wild around her face. Aradia Megido was pretty in an odd way, with too large lips that she painted bright red and narrow rusty eyes. She was of some sort of Asian descent, though she was extremely tall. This fact was only made worse by her massive red platforms. As she rose to her feet she towered over Jane’s considerably shorter frame. 

She then pulled Jane into a hug, crushing her face into her breasts.

“What brings you to our side of the lunch room, Crocker?” The gruff voice belonged to none other than Sollux Captor. He wasn’t smoking anything, and instead was huddled next to Aradia. The girl elbowed him, causing him to yelp. “What the hell was that for, AA?”

She lowered her eyelids, revealing red eye shadow. Her eyelashes, Jane noted, were the same shade of red. “Stop being rude Sol! She doesn’t have to give us a reason! We welcome everyone!” Her eyes sparkled as she lit up a cigarette. 

That alone stunned Jane. “I didn’t know you smoked, Aradia.” 

The girl shrugged, placing the cigarette in her mouth. “It’s a bad habit I picked up from my older sister. She was a lot worse than I am, though. But hey, you only have one life, right? You’ll waste it all away if you’re a stick in the mud and never have any fun!” She said it in almost a sing-song voice, pulling the cigarette from her mouth. She held it precariously close to her loose hair.

Jane was surprised that her hair didn’t burst into flames.

“This sister’s here cause she up and needs some art tutoring.” Gamzee grinned, motioning at the other two. “Aradia’s a pretty decent artist herself. My duality bro Sollux is a master hacker.”

“Yes, I know Sollux through Roxy, and Aradia’s in my AP History course.” Aradia grinned.

“Guilty as charged!” 

Sollux snorted, looking at Aradia. “You’re such a loser, AA.”

She elbowed him again.

Jane suddenly really wanted to escape the smoking corner. “So, um, when should we start? I mean the lessons. We can do it in the art room after school or something.” 

“Aw, leaving already?” 

“Good riddance.” 

“Sol!”

The two began to bicker, though Aradia’s eyes were sparkling the entire time, the smile never leaving her lips. Sollux’s expression was significantly harder to read behind his multicolored glasses, but his mouth quirked slightly upward as they continued.

Jane turned towards Gamzee, still waiting for an answer. He was staring blankly at the two fighting, his eyes glazed over. She sighed, then took out a slip of paper and quickly scribbled on it. Gamzee glanced at her as she shoved it in his hand.

“That’s my chumhandle. I go by gutsyGumshoe. Just pester me tonight with a time for our appointment, alright?” He nodded before returning his attention to Aradia and Sollux. They were still going at it.

Jane could tell when it was time to leave. Quietly she left the corner, hoping that the smoke didn’t rub off on her clothing. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]  
TC: WoAh Do I hAvE tHe RiGhT aDdReSs?  
TC: It’S gAmZeE mAkArA.  
GG: I figured as much, yes.  
TC: WoAh HeY tHeRe SiS. :o)  
GG: Hello, Makara.  
GG: Might we get this over with?  
TC: Am I tHaT tErRiBlE tO bE aRoUnD? :o(  
GG: No, no, I suppose not. I apologize for being rude.  
TC: It'S aLl GoOd My SwEeT cOnFeCtIoNaRy SiS.  
GG: You called me that earlier, as well. Perhaps you could tell me what you mean by that?  
TC: WeLl ReMeMbEr HoMe Ec ClAsS a FeW yEaRs BaCk?  
TC: YoU mAdE tHe MoSt BiTcHiNg CoOkIeS iN tHe EnTiRe ClAsS.  
GG: You were in that class?  
GG: My cookies aren't that amazing, by the way. My dad taught me how to make them. I just added a few things to his recipe.  
TC: YeS i WaS iN tHaT cLaSs.  
TC: I tHiNk ThAt'S tHe OnLy TiMe I'vE aCtUaLlY sEeN yOu Up AnD aCtUaLlY sMiLe ToO.  
GG: What's that supposed to mean? I smile all the time!  
TC: HoNk.  
GG: Excuse me???  
TC: :o)  
GG: Ugh.  
TC: YoU nEeD tO uP aNd MoThErFuCkInG lOoSeN uP.  
TC: We'Ll StArT tOmOrRoW aT lUnCh. YoU kNoW wHeRe I sIt NoW rIgHt?  
GG: Yes, I do.  
GG: I... suppose I'll see you tomorrow then?  
TC: It'S a MoThErFuCkInG dAtE sIs. :o)

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering terminallyCapricious [TC]


	4. Interlude 2

carcinoGenecist [CG] began pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC]  
GC: H1 K4RK4T >:]  
CG: OH GOD THIS WAS A STUPID IDEA.  
CG: LOOK, LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE. I NEED YOUR HELP.  
GC: OOOOOH H4S TH3 GR34T K4RK4T GON3 SOFT?  
GC: H3 N3V3R 4SKS FOR H3LP  
GC: 1 4M SO HONOR3D >:]  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CG: STRIDER'S BEEN RUBBING OFF ON YOU.  
GC: 1 SHOULD HOP3 SO >: ]   
GC: >:]  
GC: > : ]  
CG: WHAT THE HELL  
GC: TH4TS M3 R41S1NG MY 3Y3BROWS  
GC: H1NT1NG 4T 3XPL1C1T M4T3R14L TH4T GO3S ON B3H1ND TH3 SC3N3S  
CG: FUCK. NO I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT.  
CG: ANYWAY LOOK, I NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.  
GC: OH DO3S K4RKL3S H4V3 4 CRUSH?  
GC: 1TS J4D3 1SNT 1T  
CG: ...  
GC: 1 KN3W 1T!   
CG: YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT TEREZI.  
GC: 1 M4Y B3 BL1ND BUT 3V3N 1M NOT TH4T BL1ND  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW HOW TO H3LP YOU THOUGH  
GC: M4YB3 G3T H3R CHOCOL4T3 OR SOMETH1NG?  
GC: TH4TS WH4T D4V3 DO3S FOR M3  
CG: THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA BUT I WAS HOPING FOR MORE DETAILED ADVICE.  
GC: HOLD ON 1 KNOW SOM3ON3 WHO C4N H3LP

gallowsCallibrator [GC] became idle!

CG: TEREZI?

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGenecist [CG]  
TG: so i heard you needed some relationship advice  
TG: well let me tell you the love doctor is in  
CG: FUCK NO.  
carcinoGenecist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: I DON'T KNOW WHETHER YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME OR NOT TEREZI SO I'M JUST GOING TO GO WITH YOUR IDEA ALRIGHT.  
CG: I'LL JUST LEAVE IT ANONYMOUSLY AT HER LOCKER OR SOMETHING.  
CG: SO THANKS.  
carcinoGenecist [CG] ceased pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC]

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering carcinoGenecist [CG]  
CG: OH HEY HARLEY. WHAT'S UP?  
GG: karkat someone left me chocolate outside of my locker  
GG: what do i do? :(  
CG: ...IS THAT A BAD THING?  
GG: what?  
GG: yes it is! im allergic to chocolate   
GG: im sure they had the best intentions in mind but i cant even get near it without having a reaction  
GG: what do i do so that i dont look really rude?  
CG: OH.  
CG: WELL, DO YOU NEED SOMEONE TO COME REMOVE IT?  
CG: I MEAN IF YOU WAIT A COUPLE OF MINUTES I CAN BE THERE.  
GG: i would really appeciate it actually!  
GG: thanks karkat :)  
gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGenecist [CG]

carcinoGenecist [CG] began pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC]  
GC: HOW D1D 1T GO?   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK TEREZI  
CG: THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FUCKING HARMLESS JOKE AND TRYING TO FUCKING KILL SOMEONE.  
GC: WH4T >:?  
CG: SHE'S ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE YOU ASSHOLE.  
GC: 1M SORRY! 1 R34LLY D1DNT KNOW!  
GC: YOU D1DNT PUT YOUR N4M3 ON TH3M D1D YOU?  
CG: OF COURSE I DIDN'T.  
CG: THANK GOD FOR THAT.  
CG: NOW I HAVE TO GO SORT THIS OUT.  
CG: THANKS FOR NOTHING.  
GC: 1M R34LLY SORRY K4RK4T >:[  
carcinoGenecist [CG] ceased pestering gallowsCallibrator [GC]

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]  
AG: Heeeeeeeey John!  
EB: heeeeeeeey vriska! :)  
EB: what's up?  
AG: Well I've 8een w8ing for you to get online!  
AG: Seriously, you're usually on 8efore now. ::::(  
EB: sorry vriska! dave and terezi needed help with their cantown project.  
EB: you know how they can be.  
AG: I don't pity you for that. I try to deal with them as little as possi8le.  
AG: Well, that applies more to Dave. Terezi's okay sometimes.  
AG: 8UT ANYWAY there was something I wanted to tell you!  
EB: oh sorry! go ahead!  
AG: Tavros asked me out on a d8!!!!!!!!  
EB: really? well congratulations i think!  
EB: i didn't know that you actually liked him that way.  
EB: it's nitram, right?  
AG: Well, I don't know how I feel a8out him.  
AG: I'm really proud of him for standing up and doing something, though.  
AG: Pupa has finally grown some wings. ::::)  
EB: haha that's amazing! um, are you sure he won't get mad at you for telling me about it though?  
EB: your date, i mean.  
AG: Why would he 8e mad a8out that?  
EB: well, i don't think he likes me all that much!  
AG: Of course he likes you! Or he'll have to start if he wants to go out with me!  
AG: After all, you're my 8est friend and I'm not d8ing anyone who doesn't get along with my friends.   
EB: i don't really mind if he doesn't like me that much vriska! it's not that big of a deal really!  
AG: It is to me!   
EB: i'm flattered, really, but i don't think that he'll ever forgive me for that one time i let shelob out of her cage.  
AG: Pft, John that was HILARIOUS.  
AG: I don't think I've ever seen anyone run away as quickly as pupa did!  
EB: hehe it was a great prank, wasn't it?  
AG: 8esides, it's not like anyone got hurt. I even got Shelo8 8ack in her tank 8efore anyone could injure her.  
AG: Poor 8a8y, I'm pretty sure everyone in the room wanted to kill her. ::::(  
EB: yeah i didn't really think that part through, did i? :(   
EB: i really should apologize to her someday!   
AG: I'm sure she didn't mind it THAAAAAAAAT much, John! Sometimes she needs to stretch out her 8 little legs anyway!  
EB: i think little is a bit relative, honestly. she's a tarantula, vriska, not a little spider or anything!  
AG: Either way, pupa's going to have to get over his fear of Shelo8 too. I can't d8 anyone who doesn't like my friends and definitely noone that doesn't like my spider!  
EB: well that's certainly some relationship critera!  
EB: hey, are we still on for movie night tomorrow?  
AG: Of course!!!!!!!! Why wouldn't we 8e?  
EB: well, i don't know when your date is or anything so i was just making sure!  
AG: It's on Saturday, so plenty of time to watch movies with you.   
EB: great!!!!!!!! i'll see you tomorrow then!  
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Rose, we need to talk."

She glanced at her twin, tilting her head slightly. "What is it, Roxy? Can this wait until later, I'm-"

"Busy writing your book. I know." Roxy sighed, brushing her hand through her hair. "But can you take a break, please? Like I said, we need to talk."

With a frustrated huff Rose closed out her Word document. "Alright, I'm listening. Do tell me what's so important that it was worth interrupting my burst of inspiration. Something I rarely get anymore, by the way."

"I know." Roxy hesitated, then reached into her pockets. She pulled out a small key. Rose blinked, glaring at it.

"Is that...?"

"Yes. Yes it is, Rose." 

She frowned, leaning back in her chair. Rose crossed her legs, grimacing. "Unbelievable. I thought that you of all people would understand that I quit for good. After all, you had the same problem. What right do you have to act like you're the hero?"

Roxy flinched. "I'm not trying to. In fact, I was going to put this back. I just wanted to let you know that I knew where it was. And Rose, if it comes to it I will lock the cabinets." She paused. "Please don't make me use it, sis."

"What makes you think I'm even going to go into the cabinet in the first place?"

"Dirk told me about what you were planning for your date with Kanaya."

Rose drummed her fingers on the side of her chair. "Of course he did. Did he also tell you what else I had planned? Or did he only absorb the negative connotations of our conversation?"

"Um..."

"Precisely." 

Roxy hesitated, then shook her head. "Rose, I don't want to doubt you and you know I love you but still. You - we - had a problem and we overcame it. I don't want to lose you again, sis."

Rose turned back to her computer, reopening her document and typing again. Roxy sighed. "Alright, I'm putting the key back. Also, Nepeta is dropping off Pounce tonight. I just thought you'd like to know."

"Mhm, alright Roxy." 

She walked out of the room, dropping the key back into her mother's table on the way.


	5. Chapter 5

apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane frowned at the unfamiliar name. If terminallyCapricious (she really was going to have to assume the he was a Capricorn now, what with the name and the painting) was Makara, then who was this?

After staring for a few moments in silence at the screen, Jane reluctantly brought her fingers to her keyboard. She had been hoping that the stranger had put in her name by mistake, but they still hadn't disconnected. No one waited that long to start a conversation, though. She sighed, typing in a tentative

GG: Hello?

She waited another minute for a response, about to shut off pesterchum when suddenly the client pinged.

AA: im s0 s0rry jane i didnt mean t0 leave the wind0w f0r s0 l0ng  
GG: Er, who is this, exactly?  
AA: 00000h i f0rg0t ab0ut that t00  
AA: its aradia y0u kn0w fr0m sch00l :)

Oh. Well, that definitely made more sense then. At least it wasn't some stranger or anything. Not that she'd consider Aradia a friend, but...

There she went in circles again. Aradia had dropped a few messages while Jane was contemplating.

AA: hell0?  
AA: jane are y0u still there   
AA: 0h i think i scared y0u 0ff im s0rry :(  
GG: No, I'm still here.  
GG: I'm just wondering how you managed to get my chumhandle, is all. I'm dreadfully sorry if I'm being rude!  
AA: 0kay i cant exactly answer that s0rry  
GG: Why not?  
AA: i s0rt 0f made a pr0mise t0 the s0me0ne wh0 gave it t0 me  
GG: Alright, might I hazard a guess? It was Makara wasn't it?  
AA: haha actually n0  
AA: but g00d try  
GG: Sollux? I'm pretty sure Roxy would give it to him if he asked for it.  
AA: n0pe but seri0usly y0u sh0uld st0p guessing its n0t that big 0f a deal i pr0mise  
GG: Very well. So, was there a purpose to this chat or was it simply a courtesy call?  
AA: actually there was a purp0se  
AA: s0llux wanted me t0 talk t0 y0u ab0ut r0xy  
GG: So it was him that gave you my handle?  
AA: n0 i swear it wasnt but seri0usly this is kind 0f imp0rtant  
GG: Alright, continue.   
AA: well 0kay first he was w0ndering if she was single again  
AA: and sec0nd if the answer t0 the first questi0n is yes h0w w0uld he go ab0ut impressing her  
GG: Wait, he actually asked those things?  
AA: he t0ld me t0 be cagey ab0ut it but i decided that being direct w0uld garner m0re results  
AA: th0ugh this is and i qu0te just for research purp0ses  
AA: s0 it has abs0lutely n0thing t0 d0 with him  
GG: Hoo hoo! I'm sure it doesn't! :B  
AA: 0h w0w l00k y0u laughed and used a smiley face   
AA: i feel as th0ugh we are acc0mplishing s0mething here :)  
GG: Why does no one think I smile or have fun? Because I do!  
GG: Gosh, that was terrible. I apologize sincerely for starting a sentence with because. I got a bit flustered.  
AA: why d0nt y0u start any sentences with because  
GG: It's not proper grammar; you don't start new ideas with the words 'because' or 'and'.  
AA: 0h  
AA: well i didnt even n0tice until y0u p0inted it 0ut  
AA: see thats 0ne 0f the reas0ns we d0nt actually kn0w if y0u have fun 0r just sit ar0und and read grammar b00ks  
AA: hey actually bef0re we get t0 the s0llux pr0blems w0uld y0u like t0 g0 0ut with us t0m0rr0w  
GG: Who exactly comprises "us" and where exactly are they going?  
AA: the pe0ple wh0 sit 0utside with me  
AA: s0 s0llux gamzee me and p0ssibly feferi if eridan actually decides t0 c0me this time  
AA: and were just g0ing b0wling  
AA: n0 drugs 0r sm0king 0r anything like that if thats what y0ure c0ncerned ab0ut  
AA: itll be fun  
GG: I'll... consider it. I doubt that any of them would want me there, though. You really don't have to be nice and invite me along.  
AA: its because s0llux was rude isnt it  
AA: i swear im n0t inviting y0u t0 be nice every0ne basically likes y0u and besides gamzee th0ught it was a great idea  
GG: Makara? Why?  
AA: he thinks that if y0u actually take a break fr0m whatever y0ure currently d0ing itll l00sen up y0ur creative miracle fl0w  
AA: in his w0rds n0t mine  
GG: Like I said, I'll consider it.  
GG: As for Sollux's questions, yes she is single.   
GG: I really don't think she's into him, though. Besides, I thought you two were a thing?  
AA: n0 n0 n0 were just friends  
AA: hes a great guy th0ugh id think hed d0 well with r0xy  
GG: Oh. Well, Roxy likes someone else, I'm afraid. You'll have to break the news to him.  
AA: alright thanks jane  
AA: well even if y0u decide n0t t0 c0me b0wling with us ill still see y0u at lunch t0m0rr0w  
AA: 0u0  
apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane frowned, mulling over her options. Most of her wanted to flee to Roxy and see if she was doing anything the next night so she could decline Aradia's offer politely. That little bit in the back of her head was quietly telling her that she should go and investigate what exactly the group was all about, especially if she was going to be forced to eat with them until her art grade went up.

She decided to pester Roxy first.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  
TG: omg hey janey  
GG: Hey, Ro-Lal. I was wondering if you were up for anything tomorrow evening?  
TG: ooh i would love to janey  
TG: but i already made plans w/ fef  
GG: What are you guys going to be doing?  
TG: shoppin mostly  
TG: im just tryin to get out of the house before my sister commences sloppy makeouts w/ her gf  
TG: and neps goin camping so yeah  
TG: youre free to join us but were probs just goin swimsuit shopping  
GG: ...You are aware that it's currently Fall in Washington, correct?  
TG: ikr but fef loves that sorta thing  
TG: fits in w/ her fish motif u know  
TG: u wanna come?  
GG: No that's quite alright. I was invited to go bowling with Makara's lovely group.  
GG: I was invited by Aradia, by the way, not Gamzee.  
TG: girl he totes has a crush on u  
TG: u can almost see the hearts in his eyes  
TG: and 1 day ur just gonna be all like  
TG: swooooon  
GG: Oh gosh, no! Roxy that's absolutely ridiculous!  
GG: Besides, I'm pretty sure he's too in love with his drugs to even fancy an actual person. Isn't it called Mary Jane or something similar?   
TG: pft janey bein stoned doesnt make u that unaware  
TG: and ur totally the jane in that mary jane  
TG: i can see the future and its gonna read janey and gamz  
GG: Of course it is.  
TG: see u never believe me  
TG: and then im always rite  
GG: Okay, it was once that you told me that GCat was waiting for me on my front porch!   
GG: I still think you cheated and brought him to my doorstep, because no cat wanders that far in a single day.   
TG: janey i dont control wat gcat does  
TG: gcat does what he wants 2 do  
TG: no one can tell him otherwise  
GG: Did Dirk ever find his owner, by the way?  
TG: nah  
TG: im still p sure that gcats just a stray  
TG: a rly magical stray that will just appear at random peoples doorsteps w/o warning but still a stray  
TG: he was crashing at js place but who even knows where hes at anymore  
GG: I thought you could see the future.  
TG: aight fine hes gonna be at ur doorstep tonite   
TG: check outside around 8ish and hell be there  
GG: You know that if you just drop him off I'll hear your car, correct?  
TG: uh duh thats why im not dropping him off  
TG: even if i knew where he was right now i could never catch him  
TG: i think only dirks fast enough lol  
GG: Okay, okay, I'll check outside at eight.  
GG: What if he's not there though? :B  
TG: ooooh are u challenging me?  
TG: um i admit to being wrong and give u one free movie night  
TG: which i know is going 2 be some shitty detective movie but w/e  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo! You know me so well Roxy! :D  
TG: psh what are besties for  
TG: and if i win u admit that i was right and can see the future  
TG: and we watch a crappy romcom w/ no mystery or sexy mustaches of my choosing  
GG: No "sexy" mustaches?   
TG: well okay we can be lax on that rule  
TG: but it actually has 2 be a sexy one  
TG: not some weird scraggly ass piece of shit stache  
GG: Sounds quite fair to me! I'll let you know if GCat shows up tonight.  
TG: k janey  
TG: also i think u should go w/ aradia and gamz  
TG: i rly dont think theyre as bad as u think  
TG: give them a chance maybe? :)  
GG: Fine. I'll trust your judgement.  
TG: yay!  
TG: oops wait neps here w/ pounce  
TG: ttyl!  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Well, that settled that then. She would go with Aradia, launch her own investigation, and come to her own conclusions. Perhaps she was judging them a bit too quickly, but she never said anything negative about Aradia or Sollux. It was mostly just Gamzee, and Jane really didn't understand how Roxy came to certain conclusions about him. 

It was the same way she came to conclusions about GCat, who was definitely not going to show up in the ten minutes before eight. With a sigh she looked out the window, grateful that her father had left the porch lights on.

Five minutes passed before she watched a white shape slip through the bushes. The cat leaped onto her porch. She could almost see his odd green eyes looking up at her smugly. Jane sighed, reaching underneath her bed for the small bag of cat food Roxy had left for occasions like this. 

She was going to hear it tomorrow.


	6. Interlude Three

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
CC: W)(AL-E )(-----ELLO DIRK! 38D  
TT: Jesus, that poor L didn’t stand a chance did it?  
CC: NOP-E!   
CC: Anemoneway, water’s t)(e matter? You looked so sad t)(is morning!  
TT: How did I look sad, exactly?  
CC: W)(ale okay, s)(ore you had your normal grumpy face on, but Roxy said you were sad and s)(e otter know!  
TT: Nope, nothing sad over here at all, actually.  
CC: R---E---ELY? I don’t bereef you! 38(  
TT: Clever, mixing ‘believe’ and ‘reef’. I never would have thought of that, personally.  
CC: )(-E-E )(-E-E tanks!   
CC: Bait, are you making fun of me? T)(at’s not very nice if you are Dirk!  
TT: Since when is applauding superior word play making fun of someone?  
TT: Anyway, I’m not sad. I was just a little nervous earlier. It’s all passed, though.  
CC: Water you nervous aboat? T)(at’s reely not like you at all!  
TT: Look, if I tell you this, you can’t tell Roxy. She’d flip out on me and I really don’t want her to, okay?  
CC: Wow it’s that important? W)(AL-E YOU CAN TRUST ME! Your secret’s safe! Zipped up lips and anyfin like that!   
CC: 38|  
CC: MOUT)( CLOS-----ED!  
TT: Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Oh well, fuck it.  
TT: I’m thinking of asking Jake out on Monday.   
CC: WHAT REALLY????  
CC: Sea no fish puns or special ‘h’s that’s how shocking that is!   
CC: Okay that first one slipped but no other ones I promise!  
TT: Wow, that special? I’m touched.  
CC: Yes that special!!! You’re finally going to have a BUOYFROND!  
CC: Before you say anything, I’ve been waiting forever to use that pun on you so don’t ruin this moment for me okay?  
TT: I wasn’t going to say anything about the fish pun extravaganza going on up there but he hasn’t technically said yes. Or even maybe.  
TT: I don’t even know how to approach this situation, honestly. I’ve analyzed the situation and really there are just so many variables that go into this it’s ridiculous.  
CC: Dirk no! You can’t look at a relationship like it’s a computer or somefin!  
CC: Maybe you should ask your brother for advice. He’s been going out with Terezi for how long now?  
TT: You let another pun slip out, by the way.  
CC: S)()()()( I’m back to fish puns and special )(s now. 38)  
TT: As for your question, I think they’ve been going out for four years now or something?  
TT: Honestly it’s hard to tell, considering they’ve basically been doing the same things they did when they started hanging out.  
TT: She’s actually in the apartment right now if you want me to ask her for a specific date. I don’t really know if either of them give enough of a shit to remember, though.  
CC: Sea obvifis)(ly t)(ey know water t)(ey’re doing! And I mean t)(ey make it work efin t)(oug)( Terezi’s blind! It’s reely CUT-E! 38D  
TT: I swear sometimes that girl’s faking it. She knows her way around too well to be totally blind.  
CC: No s)(e acshoally reely is blind! But t)(at’s S-EASID-ES T)(-E POINT!  
CC: I bet t)(at Dave would be willing to kelp )(is bro out if you asked )(im nicely!  
TT: Yeah, no. I’d have to be really fuckin’ desperate to ask for his help in the romance department.  
TT: Otherwise he’d never let me live it down.  
CC: W)(AL-E YOU B-ETTA FIGUR-E OUT SOM-EFIN TO DO B-EFOR-E )(-E’S ALL SNATC)(-ED UP! 38O  
TT: I’ll keep that in mind. Also, thanks for not telling Roxy about this Fef. If you could not drop it to Jake and Nepeta, obviously I’d really appreciate it.  
CC: Don’t worry I won’t tell t)(em! My lips are S------EAL-ED!  
CC: T)(at was a fish pun but I don’t t)(ink it’s possibubble to s)(ell t)(at it is. 38(  
TT: I thought it was clever. A fish pun ninja that hides in the shadows, ready to pounce whenever the time is right.  
CC: )(ee )(ee! T)(at’s true too!  
CC: BY-E DIRK! Good luck!  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

gallowsCallibrator [GC] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
GC: COOLK1D  
GC: COOLK1D  
GC: D4V3 >:[  
GC: D4V3 1 SW34R 1F YOU DONT 4NSW3R 1 W1LL K1LL YOU  
TT: Wow, you’re violent today Terezi.  
TT: You clicked the wrong cool kid, by the way.  
GC: >:?  
GC: OH SH1T SORRY D1RK  
TT: It’s fine. You’re like the fourth person who’s messaged me tonight. It makes me feel special.  
GC: WH3R3S YOUR DUMB4SS BRO 4T???   
GC: S3R1OUSLY TH1S 1S 4 M4TT3R OF L1F3 4ND D34TH  
TT: Is it really.  
GC: Y3S!!!!  
GC: OK4Y NO BUT 1 S3R1OUSLY N33D TO G3T D4V3 OV3R H3R3 4S4P  
TT: Do you want me to tell him to come over?  
GC: UM Y3S TH4T 1S WH4T 1V3 B33N TRY1NG TO DO FOR TH3 L4ST COUPL3 OF M1NUT3S  
GC: G4H 1 H4V3 TO GO S3R1OUSLY S3ND H1M OV3R 4S SOON 4S YOU C4N!!!!  
gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
“Well shit I guess building Cantown in your basement wasn’t the best idea was it?” He surveyed the damaged, pulling his glasses down his nose so he could take in the full effect. Terezi snorted, carefully making her way down the stairs to the lower floor.

“More like the worst idea we’ve ever had.” As she reached the bottom of the stairs she stepped into the ankle deep water that now covered the floor. She located a drifting can and nudged it towards the stairs with her cane. 

“Yeah who exactly came up with this idea exactly?”

“You did, coolkid.” 

“Oh.” He paused before descending onto the flooded floor, grabbing the cans that Terezi had moved. He placed them onto the bottom step and then joined his girlfriend in gathering up the rest of the residents. They worked in a comfortable silence for about an hour, occasionally splashing at each other.

After all the cans had been placed carefully at the top of the steps, Dave went back into the water to see if any backdrops and tiles could be retrieved. Terezi sat quietly at the top, cane spread across her lap. She stared blankly ahead, head turning in the direction of Dave’s splashes.

He eventually came back up the stairs, grunting and dropping the tiles behind her before plopping down next to her. “So do you want the good news or the shit news?”

“Just lay them on me.”

Dave considered, then shrugged. “Alright, shit news first it is then.” She nodded.

“The painting and chalk is completely washed away. Some of the tiles are chipped – seriously what the fuck happened in here anyway – and most of the can labels are soaked through. We’re going to have to get new ones or make new labels or something . Otherwise it’s basically like some sort of apocalypse town inhabited by homeless cans of peas and condensed milk.”

“I see.”

“The good news is that we can rebuild, but it’s going to take a long ass time. So we need to either downgrade the project or think of something new.”

“We wouldn’t win anything with a smaller project.”

“Basically.”

She considered. “Can’t we use our zombie apocalypse town?”

“Hm?”

“I mean, we keep the cans and tiles that we have and make that half of the town. That’ll be our example of what economic ruin and lack of a good legal system can do to a town.” Her gravelly voice was beginning to raise with her excitement, and she gripped her cane.

“So zombies instead of the ghetto?”

“Yeah. I think it’s more exciting. Anyway, the other side of Cantown will be a utopian society, where everything is peaceful under the rule of a good government system and all criminals get what they deserve.”

“Your freaky justice fetish is starting to show, Tz.”

“Shut up for a second, coolkid. Let me finish. In the middle will be how most societies actually are, which is a mix of the two. There will still be can criminals and robberies and things will be dirty but it won’t be completely decayed and there will still be some order instead of complete chaos.” She nudged him with her cane. “What do you think?”

He sat there in silence, prompting her to nudge him again. “Yeah, I think that could actually… work. We’ll start up once you get you get your floor from under the fucking sea.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
TG: DIRK  
TG: DRKI  
TG: DIIIIIIrrrrkkkkk  
TG: where the hell ARE YOU?  
TT: Jesus Ro-Lal calm the fuck down.  
TG: sry i just wanted to ask u something  
TT: Shoot.  
TG: are u sure that rose said that she was gonna go into the cabinets  
TG: cause she seemed p against it when i talked 2 her yesterday

 

“Hello, Pounce. It’s been a while.” The white and black cat purred, leaping onto Rose’s lap and rubbing against her. She scratched his head and he let out a happy mew. “Are you going to be coming with me then?”

She rose, taking the cat in her arms carefully. Pounce didn’t protest, instead curling closer to her chest. Rose peeked into Roxy’s room, where her sister was diligently typing… something. She was probably messaging Dirk or Jane. Jake had apparently been a pesterchum no-show for a while, and Nepeta had just dropped off her cat. She mentally put her bets on their cousin.

Quietly she slipped past the door, absently fingering Pounce’s ear as she moved into the kitchen. The refrigerator stood there, mocking her with those passive-aggressive notes that her mother loved to leave. Countless wizard statues that Rose would never admit to liking (of course she didn’t like them; they were the most aggressive of her mother’s passive aggressive movements) lined the room and the hallways past them.

And there it was, sitting against the back wall. Her mother’s wine cabinet, dusty from lack of use. Her parents used to use it all the time, for entertaining guests and simply for their own entertainment. Then Roxy had found the key and started getting into it. They had stopped as a sign of support to their daughter, and now it simply remained as a decoration of times past. Of course there was still fine wine in it; her parents had paid for the fancy stuff and they weren’t about to just toss it.

Despite the statues being the most present of her mother’s dares, the wine cabinet was the strongest. It simply sat there, mocking her. Rose had never once taken a thing out of it. She fought back every sick urge to pour a glass of wine and drink it right in front of her parents. Every time one of her parents would jokingly (and in bad taste, Rose decided) say that they needed a drink, she would swallow back the bile that her addiction brought her.

Oh, she drank. A lot, if she was honest with herself. Just never at home, never in front of her parents. Roxy knew, but she never said anything. She was a better sister than Rose would ever be. No, a better person, if she was again being honest with herself. Roxy had had fought her addiction, fixed herself. 

Rose was too cowardly to ask for help.

So far, however, she’d been doing well. Kanaya had steered her away from parties with alcohol (she had tried to be stealthy initially but failed). John cheerfully messaged her whenever she went out on her own. Dave and Roxy would double team her if John was unavailable, her cousin laying down his ‘sick beats’ while Roxy would occasionally burst in with a line of her own. If they were busy, Jade would message her and directly tell her that she better not drink followed by a frowny face or even an attached picture of the girl and her puppy making the saddest faces they possibly could. 

Not even Rose could really disobey Jade and little Bec’s puppy faces. That would be blasphemous.

Still, her senior year was already stressful and it was only the first quarter. She had forgotten that her anniversary was the next day and had only been reminded when Dirk had messaged her. The last thing she had said to Kanaya before that was that on their next date ‘drinks were on her’. She had said it jokingly… sort of. Her girlfriend hadn’t found it funny, so she had backed off.

Of course she had forgotten what their next date was going to be. She just needed a glass of wine and had accidentally admitted it to Dirk. She found it so hard to concentrate sometimes. Now Roxy was breathing down her neck and she knew that Dave would find out about it and Kanaya would probably be disappointed in her and everything just seemed to be going to Hell.

She glanced around, listening for Roxy or her parents or anyone. “What do you think I should do, Pounce?”

He purred, rubbing against her. She bit her lip, deciding that his purr was enough of an approval. She cracked open the cabinet, gripping one of the bottles carefully in her hand before grabbing a glass from the top of the shelf. She had studied psychology, knew the symptoms and signs of an alcoholic or any addict. 

This didn’t make her one of them.

After all, it was only one glass.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, this took longer than I expected and it's not really that long @_@ Also, time-skipped to after school the next day so Jane is at Aradia's house. Which you can probably get from the actual chapter, but just a warning that Damara's present.
> 
> Sentences that are bolded and italicized are in Japanese, and thus Jane can not understand them.

**_"How exciting. Aradia finally has a little girlfriend over. It's been so long!"_** The older Megido smirked, rolling the joint in between her fingertips. Aradia's face turned bright red as she shot back at her.

**_"Shut up Damara! She's not even-"_ **

**_"Hush. If you want to have sex upstairs, I don't care. Just don't be loud."_ **

**_"Damara!"_ **

Jane glanced between the two awkwardly, wondering if this had been a bad day to start her investigations. Aradia continued to scream in Japanese at her sister, who was hardly paying attention to her. Her glazed rusty eyes had instead flickered towards Jane, her eyelids half closed. She smiled.

"HELLO. APOLOGIZE. NO GOOD ENGLISH." The broken words were almost shouted, pronounced awkwardly, and said rather slowly. It was obvious that English wasn't even close to her first language. Jane tilted her head and waved in greeting, unsure if she could even understand English.

"Um, hello. Oh goodness, I don't know if you can even really understand me!"

"YES. UNDERSTAND ENGLISH GOOD. NO TALK. I DAMARA. SISTER." She jabbed at thumb at Aradia, who sent her sister a cold glare. "SHE RUDE. NO INTRODUCE TO YOU."

"Oh! Oh gosh, I'm Jane. Jane Crocker. It's very nice to meet you, Miss Damara." 

**_"Crocker? Is she related to the bitch?"_ **

**_"I don't know Damara! It's possible? Stop being rude."_ **

**_"She can't understand us anyway."_ **

Aradia huffed, grabbing Jane's arm and dragging her towards the stairs. "Just ignore her, Jane. We'll be upstairs if you need us."

**_"Remember that the walls are very thin, sister. Don't make too much noise or the neighbors will complain. It's happened to me before, remember?"_** Her lips curved upward and she cackled at Aradia's paling face.

"Come on, let's get out of here." They quietly ascended the stairs, not speaking until Aradia closed the door of her room. She groaned. "Ugh, how embarrassing! I'm so sorry about her Jane."

Jane cocked her head. "What do you mean? She seemed perfectly pleasant to me."

"That's because you don't understand Japanese."

"Oh."

Aradia kicked off her shoes, and Jane noted that she was still about a head taller than her without the ridiculous heels. "She used to be really sweet, you know? Back when - can I have a hand here? She left another box of shit in front of my closet." They both lined up beside the box, lifting it and moving it to the side. They dropped it and Aradia sighed, sitting on top of it. "Anyway, back when my mom was around she was really nice. It wasn't until... after... that she started acting like she does now. Then her ex ran out on her with another man so that pretty much crushed her too." 

"...Oh. I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't be. So, is that what you're wearing tonight?" Jane glanced down at her outfit. A basic shirt and a skirt, nothing too fancy. Aradia was making a face at it, though.

"I was gong to. What's wrong with it?"

She scrunched her nose, running a hand through her long hair. "It's just so plain! I know for a fact that you're not a boring person, Crocker. Besides, Gamzee said to dress you differently tonight. Maybe getting rid of the boring and frumpy clothing will allow your creativity to finally escape."

"Oh yes, because Makara is the epitome of fashion. I'm sure that with his advice he'll have me looking like a clown in no time."

"No need to be so sassy."

"I'm not. I was being serious."

Aradia's lip quirked. "Well, if it makes you feel better he's not the one dressing you. I am."

"Okay, so I won't look like a clown. I do hate to burst your bubble, though. I'm, goodness, about a foot shorter than you? I'm at least half a foot shorter, if you want to be optimistic. Besides, aren't we just going bowling? No need to get dressed up for that, I'd think."

"Well, we're going out for dinner first. Then bowling." Aradia kicked open her closet, peering inside. She pulled out a few dresses and tossed them on her bed. "And I have lots of dresses that will fit you. I wasn't always this tall you know!"

"It's just you're so skinny and I'm - wait, we're going out for dinner? No one told me that!"

Aradia didn't even glance up from the closet. "You need to learn to be a bit more spontaneous, Jane. Life isn't this perfectly planned out course, you know. And if you were about to say that you were fat I'm going to punch you in the face. You're curvy, friend. There's a difference."

"I don't appreciate -"

There was a heavy knock on the door. **_"Aradia, there's a phone call for you."_**

**_"Give me a second, Damara."_ **

**_"Look bitch, you better come out here and answer the phone. Otherwise I will tell your friend that you are busy having kinky sex with the one in your bedroom. I'm not your fucking secretary."_ **

"Ugh. Give me a second, Jane. Here, I laid out some of my old dresses. You can try them on." Damara banged on the door again. "Hold on! Jesus."

She opened the door and snatched the phone from Damara, leaving Jane awkwardly standing in the middle of the room. The older Megido tilted her head, looking at the dresses. "LOOK GOOD RED DRESS. BLUE MAYBE. YOU TRY?"

"Um, thanks? I'll try them on."

Damara nodded her approval, bringing her joint back up to her lips. She remained standing in the doorway as Jane picked up the red dress, pursing her lips. She could already tell it was going to be tight, if it even fit over her 'curves' (she wasn't fat, not really, just a bit on the heavier side). Both Damara and Aradia were ridiculously flat chested and tall while Jane definitely was not.

"Do you mind, ah, maybe leaving? Or at least not looking?" Damara tilted her head, as if not understanding, then smiled. She shuffled off to the side, just out of view. Jane quietly closed the door before scrutinizing the dress again. With a final sigh she pulled herself into it, struggling slightly with the zipper. Though it didn't feel super tight, she was pretty sure that it didn't do her any favors. She looked in Aradia's mirror, and was pleasantly surprised.

While the dress hugged her bust tightly, it wasn't showy. The bottom flowed outward into ruffles, and though on Aradia it would have probably would have been extremely short, on Jane it fell nearly to her knees. It was a bit tight around the top, but it was hard to tell unless she looked closely at it. 

"Oh, that looks so good on you, Jane!" Aradia clapped her hands, tossing the phone back to her waiting sister. Damara's eyes flickered over her, and she smiled.

_**"I see you have good taste in girlfriends, Aradia. Keep her close or I might steal her away."** _

Aradia rolled her eyes, ignoring whatever it was her sister said. Jane smiled hesitantly as the girl grabbed her arms. "Alright, that was Sollux on the phone. He's going to be picking us up in like fifteen minutes so I have to get dressed, too. Damara, could you just go somewhere else or something?"

"SORRY. WILL TELL WHEN FRIEND HERE. BYE JANE."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. Exams and everything, you know.

Honestly if someone had warned Jane ahead of time that Sollux was an even worse driver than Aradia, she would have gladly walked the three miles to the restaurant they were meeting at. In heels. In her ridiculous red ruffle dress.

He was just that god awful. 

Everytime he seemed like he was going to stay a certain speed or stay in the middle of the lane, he'd suddenly veer or lurch and throw his foot down on the peddle as if he had nothing to lose. The fact that Aradia was riding without a seat belt terrified Jane, as if the girl was just going to burst throw the front windshield at any second. Jane herself was strapped down and gripping desperately onto the seat, stiff as a board.

It wasn't until they actually reached the restaurant (in one piece, thank goodness) that Jane relaxed at all. Aradia hopped cheerfully out of the front seat, revealing her ridiculous prom attire in its full glory. One could barely see the girl underneath layers of tulle, and when Jane only stared stupidly at her she snickered and said that it was 'ironic'. 

She had obviously been talking to Dave again. Not that Aradia seemed to give two shits about what she looked like anyway. Though she got a few strange looks from an elderly couple entering the restaurant, the servers greeted her by her first name and led her to the 'usual table', only pausing to ask who Jane was before slapping menus down in front of them. 

"So do you, er, come here often dressed in... um..."

"The bridesmaid dress from hell?"

"Yes. That."

Aradia shrugged. "Everyday should be bridesmaid-slash-prom dress from hell day. Those companies have to sell their products somehow." 

Sollux glanced up from his menu. "To answer your question, Crocker, yes she does."

"Oh." There was an awkward silence before she coughed and asked when the others would get there. 

The server came and took their orders and still no one else showed up. Aradia and Sollux didn't seem to even care, but Jane was getting a bit antsy. It wasn't until Gamzee slammed through the doors that she realized how nice it was not have him around.

"Sup my motherfuckin' best bros?" He clapped a hand on Jane's shoulder. She flinched. "I see this new sis is up and joining us for some mirthful amusements."

"Don't flatter yourself, Makara. I'm only here cause AA is." If Gamzee had noticed Sollux's outburst, he said nothing about it. His focus was entirely on Jane. He smelled like pot, which wasn't exactly unexpected. Still, she couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. Aradia had promised a drug-free night and here he was, completely stoned.

"So, new sis, ready to get our bowl up and going?" 

"Erm, yes?"

"Shit, you never fuckin' fail this bro do you?" He laughed, though she wasn't exactly sure what he was laughing at. Aradia just rolled her eyes and Sollux just snorted. He slipped into the chair next to Jane. She inched away slightly.

"Are you going to get something to eat?" She slid the menu over to him, and he promptly slid it back. 

"Nah, just got done with dinner. Dad was actually in the house for once, you know." 

Aradia's eyes lit up. "Really, Gamzee? I wish you would have told us! We would have just waited at the bowling alley for you. I would have stopped texting you."

"It's all good, sis. Didn't really have time to tell you, since he showed up 'bout two minutes before I was gonna leave. It's a damn motherfuckin' miracle." Jane noticed his fingers tensing on the table, but they quickly relaxed. Jane was about to ask about his father, but closed her mouth when Aradia shot her a look.

The rest of the meal went by in a mix awkward and comfortable silence all at the same time. Finally they finished and placed the bill on Aradia's credit card. 

She clapped her hands. "So, who's ready to go bowling?"

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Makara, it's your tu-" She hadn't noticed that he was drawing before. She had usually just passed off the ball and then went back to paying attention to Aradia and Sollux. He murmured to give him a moment and she did, hesitating before putting down the ball. 

She would not ask what he was drawing. She was not that curious. She would not- 

"You're getting awful close there, sis." It was an offhanded comment, his eyes still on the sketchpad (or was it one of those fancy pastel pads? she could never tell). She froze, backing away slightly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to-"

He chuckled. "I didn't say I motherfuckin' minded it. You just wanna see what I'm drawing don't ya?"

By then they had caught the attention of Aradia and Sollux. He was trying to play it off as though he wasn't actually paying attention (he would have gotten away with it too if he hadn't been hesitating so long by the lane), but Aradia was grinning like a maniac. Jane felt her cheeks heat up, but sat down next to Gamzee without much more fuss. 

It was a point that she sat as far away as possible while still being able to see the drawings. She had to inch slightly close until she felt her shoulder brush his and she jerked away. He glanced at her, but if he otherwise noticed her awkward movements he didn't show it. 

There were three pictures on the page. One was obviously of Aradia, her bright dress swirling along with her black charcoal hair as she moved to release the bowling ball. Her skin was light gray and her lips and eyes were rusty red. 

To the left was Sollux. His skin was yellow-tinged, his eyes irises actually the red and blue of his glasses. Unlike Aradia he was not in motion, a bowling ball resting in the cradle of his arm as he looked towards the front desk. His mouth was set in an annoyed grimace, and his brow was furrowed. The drawing was more detailed, little shadows caught from his glasses and the folds of his shirt were sketched carefully in.

Then there was the last one. It was her, sketched in pastels. She hated looking at herself, art or no, in fear of seeming vain (at least in public - a proper heiress would never be caught doing that) but his rendition was both bizarre and good and just extremely interesting. Her skin was orange and her hair was pink but her eyes were still her same baby blue. The dress had been transformed from red to yellow, but the shadowing was done in the same pink as her hair.

Like Sollux, she was simply idle. She could remember the moment, looking bored while the workers dislodged the ball Aradia had misthrown from the gutter. She opened her mouth and then closed it again before meeting Gamzee straight in the eyes. For a moment she thought she saw a slight flicker of emotion within them, but they went back to being hazed over the next second.

"These are... there are quite spectacular, Gamzee."

He shrugged. "Thanks. Gotta do some life drawing to keep my art nice and motherfuckin' clean, you know?"

"You could have asked me if you wanted to draw me. I would have sat down somewhere or-"

Gamzee glanced at her, then shook his head. "Nah, sis, that up and defeats the motherfuckin' purpose. You have more soul when you're up and in your own business. Sittin' like a statue doesn't achieve anything."

"I see." No she didn't, but she wasn't about to admit that. She gently touched the book. "Can I see it? I mean, if you wouldn't mind me looking!"

"Not at all." He handed her the book and then wandered towards their abandoned lane. As he lazily chucked a ball down towards the pins, Jane flipped through the book. Most of them were pictures of Aradia and Sollux. There were one or two of Aradia half-naked (she quickly passed over those) and even one of Damara lounging on her couch. 

A few of Eridan and even Feferi dotted the pages, though she couldn't find any of her own friends except for Rose (she also noticed that Dave was in the background with one of Terezi, though his features weren't nicely distinguished except for his shades). 

Then there was a portrait that looked like it had been changed over and over. It was an older looking man, eyes weary. His ears were drawn like a goat's and he had similar horns poking out of his head. What was once a hand holding a cigarette had been transformed into a cloven hoof.

"That one's still a motherfuckin' work in progress." He slipped into the seat next to her, grabbing the sketchbook from her.

"Are you... turning him into a goat?" 

For a second his eyes darkened, and she thought she saw a flash of anger within them. Then they dulled down again. "Something like that, yeah." 

He was rather quiet for the rest of the night, though his lazy smile had returned to his face within minutes. Jane noticed the way his makeup was starting to fade and melt away, the heat of the bowling alley getting to him. Admittedly she was sweating a bit, and she knew that Aradia had to be sweltering. But it was only noticeable on him.

She wondered awkwardly if she should tell him that it was starting to look, well, bad. Also, it would start to drip on the sketchbook that he had worked hard in. Finally she sighed and went to sit next to him again. He turned towards her, purple eyes flashing.

"Back so soon, sis?" He didn't even look up. Once again his subject was Aradia, moving quickly on the lane.

"Please don't take offense at this, but I think you'd like to know that your facepaint is... erm... running."

"It is? Shit, sis. Thanks for tellin' me. Would've gotten all up and everywhere... Don't have any facepaint to replace it with, though."

"You could always take it off?"

His expression became guarded, though not obviously. His eyes narrowed slightly and his nostrils flared a bit, but the smile was still plastered firmly on his face. "It was only a suggestion, Makara, no need to get so offended."

He immediately relaxed, then rose from his seat. "Yeah, I know. I just... shit, maybe you're right. Otherwise it'll get all over the place." He looked troubled, but went to the bathroom anyway. 

"Hey Jane, it's your turn!" 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't until two minutes before the bowling alley closed that Gamzee emerged. He had stayed in the bathroom for about an hour, and his face still had a few stains of white. Jane glanced at Aradia, who shrugged. "He's a little self-conscious about that stuff. He doesn't like taking it off. The fact that he did at all is realy surprising, honestly."

As he stepped into the light, Jane got her first clear look at his face. He had three scars that ran across his eyes and nose (she had thought that to be a part of his makeup, but now it was quite clear they were real. His bright purple eyes were a lot larger than the makeup made them seem, almost more expressive, too, despite the fact that they were still dull.

The one thing that Jane decided, however, and that she was _absolutely terrified_ about, was that he was actually rather attractive.


	9. Interlude Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait with such a little pay off ._.
> 
> Unlike the other interludes this one actually does talk a little bit about the main plot, so if you usually skip them it may actually be worth a read this time.

"Y'know when I said we were goin' swim suit shopping I wasn't really planning on helping you pick up dudes, Di-Stri." Roxy scowled, shifting uncomfortably underneath the clothing rack. "Besides I'm totes sure that this is the wrong way of doing those things."

Dirk sighed, rubbing his eyes beneath his shades. He was even more cramped than Roxy, being almost a foot taller than her and thus having to cram himself down even further. "We're not doing that, Roxy. I said I was going to wait until Monday. Any earlier and this could completely blow up in my face."

"I'm not sure why you dragged me under here, then. Poor Fef's gonna be so confused when she gets out of the dressing room and there's no one there. And it's just _Jake_. He's our _friend_. It's weird to run away from your friends and hide under a lingerie rack."

He frowned. "I didn't mean to hide under here specifically. I just figured that it would be the least likely place for Jake to look."

"Y'know what? This is pathetic. You're gonna go talk to him now. I don't care if you seduce him into your pants or if you just say 'hey' but out you go!" She shoved him out of the rack before leaving herself. Without another word she left her cousin to his fate. Then her phone began to buzz.

GG: Roxy.  
TG: heeey janey howd bowling go  
GG: If I may say so I think I did a pretty decent job.  
GG: Anyway, that's not why I messaged you. I know you're probably still out shopping with Feferi though, so if you want we can talk later.  
TG: nah fef takes ages to get dressed so i have plenty of time  
TG: yknow dirk came with us and he saw j and flipped his shit  
GG: Oh? How'd that go?  
TG: he ended up dragging me into hiding and it was awkward as hell  
TG: i just told him to go talk to j but he probs just ran for the hills or something lol  
GG: Well, that makes sense for Dirk.  
TG: anyway were getting off topic  
TG: whats up? something happened at bowling rite?  
GG: Um.  
TG: oooh spill the deets janey  
TG: come on  
TG: jaaaneeeey  
GG: Oh gosh. Did you know Makara's actually a really great artist?  
TG: uh duh  
TG: why hes tutoring you yeah lol  
GG: Yes, but have you actually seen his work?  
TG: nope  
GG: It's just... wow. Oh goodness, it's incredible.  
TG: is it "Shut my mouth" good?  
GG: Roxy, I said that once.  
TG: so it is "Shut my mouth" good ;D  
GG: Oh shucks, I guess it is.  
TG: pffft "shucks"  
GG: Hey! >:B  
TG: sry janey u know i <3 you  
TG: <3s for jane  
GG: Alright, alright.  
TG: but the art isnt just the only thing thats good is it janey  
TG: wink wonk  
GG: Now what is that supposed to mean, missy?  
TG: noooooooothing  
GG: Uh huh.  
GG: Wait, were there eight 'o's in that?  
TG: maybe :P  
GG: Don't you start with that too, Ro-Lal. It's annoying enough with John.  
TG: youve never talked to vriskaaaaaaaa have you?  
GG: No, and I plan to keep it that way.  
TG: 8oooo -  
GG: Please don't.  
TG: fine  
TG: spoilsport  
TG: ;P  
TG: anyway you still havent answered my wink wonk  
TG: im insulted  
GG: There's absolutely nothing to wink wonk at! However I do want to send you this picture. Take a look.  
 **\----- gutsyGumshoe has sent you a file! -----**  
TG: jane this is such a shitty photo  
GG: Is it? Hold on, let me take another.  
 **\----- gutsyGumshoe has sent you a file! -----**  
TG: much better  
TG: daaaamn whos the tall dark and handsore dude youre creeping on from the back seat of a car can i call dibs  
GG: Actually, that's Makara.  
TG: ...  
TG: omfg  
TG: no way  
TG: no FAKGAggrkal way  
TG: JANE HES HOT  
GG: THAT'S THE PROBLEM!  
TG: U SAID THERE WAS NOTHING TO WINK WONK AT THIS IS DEF SOMETHING TO WINK WONK AT MISS CROCKER  
GG: LOOK BUSTER I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR DEFINITION IS OF WINK WONK SO HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?!  
TG: ok we need to calm down see no more yelling cause the pic of hot makara totes just calmed me down  
TG: you should tell him to not wear the face paint ever ok  
TG: i need some eye candy in art class hot damn  
GG: I'm grateful you can find the humor in this scenario, Roxy.  
TG: you should ask him out on a  
TG: d8 ;D  
GG: No.  
TG: oh come on! i know that thing w/ j didnt work out great but you need to get back on the horse and etc blah blah stupid saying that my sis would use  
GG: Why do I need to do that, exactly? I don't need to be dating anyone all the time, Roxy.  
TG: you dont need to date him  
TG: just have fun yknow youre not gettin married  
GG: I don't know. We don't have much in common...  
TG: but hes uh what would u say  
TG: demonically handsome or w/e  
GG: "Devilishly" handsome is the saying.  
TG: well w/e but u agree right  
GG: ...Maybe?  
TG: there you go off to a great start  
TG: like i said you dont have to marry him or anything  
TG: just like have fun  
TG: you havent come partying w/ me in aaaages  
TG: :(  
GG: Sorry, Ro-Lal. I'm not trying to avoid you. :(  
TG: aw i know that janey  
TG: anyway ive given u my advice and fefs coming out of the dressing room so  
TG: gl and ttyl!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Cats... shouldn't be so soft. You shouldn't be sho soft, Pawnce. Pince. Pounce." She giggled slightly, curling her fingers into the cat's white back. Pounce purred, rubbing her head against Rose's other hand. 

Her expression almost immediately darkened. "Kaliya will be here shoon. We have to clean all this up, Pawncy. Like one'a Nep's cat puns." She grinned and then giggled again before grabbing the empty bottle on the table to toss it. 

"How mad d'you think she'll be, Pounce? I don't wanna hear her yell at me again." The cat only purred in response, only protesting when Rose kicked her off of her lap.

She vaguely heard the door slip open as she set the bottle on the counter to clean out, then stumbled out into the living room. Kanaya was sitting on the couch, looking rather disgustedly at the wine glass sitting on the coffee table.

"I thought you were off of this, Rose."

"I... I only messhed up today."

Kanaya sighed, pinching her nose. "That is fine and understandable, Rose. I get it. However, you were trying to hide this from me, so I doubt the validity of your words."

"I..."

"Rose, I'm upset. I hope you understand that this isn't easy for me either, okay? You don't have to be alone in this. We're all trying to help you but we _can't_ if you refuse to tell us when you're rebounding."

"I don't have a problem anymore, and I'm not rebounding!"

Kanaya stared directly at her, and her eyes softened. "That's exactly what you say when you do have an issue, Rose. I... can't deal with this tonight. Can we reschedule this whole date for another time? I don't mind missing our anniversary celebration."

She didn't even wait for a response before slipping out of the house, closing the door behind her silently.

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my first time writing for Homestuck but it's certainly my first time publishing anything.
> 
> The lack of Janezee fluff made me sad so I decided that I wanted to rectify it. I really appreciate feedback in making sure the characters sound like themselves, especially when it comes to Jane. There will be pesterlogs later, too, but for now it's just straight dialogue.


End file.
